Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
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