My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Randomize
