Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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