my mouth tastes like poor choices
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Randomize
