i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
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