Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
