I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
