Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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