In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
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