Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
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