I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize