It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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