The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize