either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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