hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
