Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
