I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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