So drunk its hurt
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
