She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Randomize
