oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
