I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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