Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
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