I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize