I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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