I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
