You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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