The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
