So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize