Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
