i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
