dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Randomize
