you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
