Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
