i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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