Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Randomize
