Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
