Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
