shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
