This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
can u get pink eye on your cock?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
