call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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