tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
50% drunk capacity currently
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
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