I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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