Small penises have feelings too.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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