I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
