my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
