roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
just tell him i said nine months
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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