So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Randomize
