I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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