i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
