are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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