If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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