You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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