I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
