Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
