Pants 0. Shit 1.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
