she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
