You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
