I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
