They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
