you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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