This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I would ride that face into the sunset
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
