Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I want to make a zoo with you.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
