You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
