last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I just had sex on a roof
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize