Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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