Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Randomize
