how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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