she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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