And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
