It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
