I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
