I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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