highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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